Things I Underestimated About Being An Adult


I think nowadays - among millennials and young people - it’s kind of seen as funny and relatable that we are all adults who don’t know what we’re doing. We’re all on Twitter, tweeting about our apparent inability to boil an egg and how much baby boomers suck. I mean, for some that is true. But I mean, come on guys. It’s not completely true, right?

Actually, this is probably another blog post entirely so I will move on.

But the point I was trying to make is that we complain of being unable to do the small - and usually most important - things, but fail to see how well we excel at fighting for what we care about, remembering to pay car insurance and producing some pretty cool Twitter bants whilst dropping a deuce.

But it was among all of that - whilst I was shopping in Morrisons which I will come back to in a second - that I realised just how many things I underestimated about being an adult.

#1 Shopping for produce is wild from start to finish
I’m probably the only one but here goes. Ben and I were at Morrisons (told you I would come back to it) because Morrisons is a place that doesn’t get enough credit (and I’m saying that as an employee of one of their competitors). It’s salad bar is my preferred existence of anywhere in the world, other than my own bed or the Five Guys diner in the city. But Morrisons produce section - it’s always a wild ride. They have fabulous offers, really weird fruits I see nowhere else (apart from Asda but Asda is pretty weird anyway) and PINEAPPLES. THE. SIZE. OF. YOUR. HEAD. Now, I think we can all agree that pineapple is fabulous. It’s the fruit that is tropical. It’s the fruit of aesthetic room decor right now. It’s the fruit that eats you back.

But one thing I didn’t account for when I was still a younger, less-jaded, chubbier human was how excited and happy I would be to go to the produce section of a supermarket.

#2 Home decor is your new middle name
When I was like...12? Probably? I still look 12. Just like, a 12 year old who has facial lines. Like, a 12 year old who has seen a lot.

I don’t know how old I was. It’s not really the point.

Anyway, when I was younger I was so not there for home design. Clothes? Yeah. Chocolate? Well, evidently. My Scene dolls? Unfortunately because I’m pretty sure I was way too old to be playing with them.

But now? I make a BEELINE for that stuff. If I go into Primark I need to be put on a financial leash. Going to IKEA is the thing of dreams. In fact, as you read this on today of publishing I WILL BE GOING TO IKEA. For my birthday…

I, Jess, underestimated the excitement I would feel as a young person for going to IKEA for my 22nd birthday.

Oh my god.

#3 Inconvenience of losing my designated lip balms
This is a genuine issue. I need somebody to go on dragon’s den and invent something like a key fob but for my lip balm. Seriously. I will wait.

I cannot explain the genuine issue this is. It’s such an inconvenience I’m actually getting a little flustered as I type, my lips drying out in sympathy.

See, here’s the scoop hunty. I have several lip balms (GURL this could be her own POST). I have 1 for my normal/work bag, 1 for my tiny bag, 1 for my coat, 1 for my bedside cabinet, 1 for my desk, 1 at Ben's, 1 in my laptop bag, 1 in Ben’s car and one on me at all times at work. I used to have one in my own car but the summer heat melted it and even I had to admit defeat and throw it away. But throwing that lip balm away threw me right out of wack. I was ricocheting from a comfortably organised lip-balm galaxy to the galaxy where they don’t even have lip balm, yet alone 9 plus extras for my use.

But when I was younger, I didn’t have any. There was a communal, industry-grade bucket (basically) of Vaseline in the bathroom cabinet but I didn’t much like using it (if I ever even did) because it had a hair in it. Plus, for some reason the neighbours next door borrowed it once (yes. They BORROWED Vaseline. Another thing, now looking back as an adult, I underestimated how WEIRD I would find) and we never saw it again.

Ok I’ve just realised this post is getting on a bit and also I have to be up early for IKEA tomorrow. Maybe a part 2?

Make good choices.

More later,

Jess  

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